10 Bizarre Things That Have Been Said To Me

[dropcap]I[/dropcap] have been a pastor for almost 15 years. In that time, some funny and relatively bizarre things have been said to me. Don’t get the idea that anything here makes me mad, or that I’m frustrated with being a pastor. I love my congregation and have a lot of patience. Plus, I’ve said some dumb things too! (When are you expecting?)

These are just a few notable (and funny) things that have been said to me.

“I’m pretty sure the communion bread in the Bible was gluten-free.”

This was after a conversation on whether or not our communion bread was, in fact, gluten-free (we use pita bread). I’m not sure they even knew what gluten was back then. Truth is, I only learned about it a couple years ago.

“That was a great sermon, I agreed with most of it”

I love getting feedback from the congregation. Most of the time it’s helpful. I did follow up and ask him which parts he disagreed with. He declined to answer.

“Hey, you’re finally a real pastor now!”

When I first became ordained in 2003, my title was “Worship Pastor.” When I became the lead pastor in 2007 I guess my powers were upgraded or something.

“Wow Pastor, you’ve really put on some weight!”

This very observant lady hadn’t been to church in a while. When she came back she kindly reminded me that I was fat! The problem was…she was right! I had gained 20 pounds while she was gone. My wife and I went on a diet after that.

“But he sold me bad drugs”

When one parishioner complains about receiving a bad batch of drugs from another parishioner you’ve got trouble. I really didn’t know what to say so I asked, “how do you know they were bad?” He said, “I didn’t get high.”

“I saw [a] Halloween pumpkin from the entrance of sanctuary… Who they are [sic] serving?”

Ok, this wasn’t said to me but was posted as a review on Google along with one star. ONE STAR! Never mind the fact that the pumpkins were carved by the youth group as a game, and that it was a scripture reference that was carved into them! Galatians 2:20

“It’s clear you have abdicated your responsibility to the church”

After I looked up the word “abdicated” (who says that?) I realized that it was not a compliment. This gentleman was upset because I would not implement his plan to upgrade the stage, lighting, and sound in our sanctuary. By the way, abdicate means, “to abandon, give up, or disown.” Wow!

“Tell me the next time you’re preaching so I can bring my friend”

Ok, no pressure. So if I didn’t preach or if I got hit by a bus you would never bring a friend? In truth, I think this individual meant it as a compliment. So, thank you!

“So, what do you do for a real job?”

This has actually been said to me a few times. It kind of blows me away. Once I said, “well, this is my job” to which the man replied, “I know you’re the pastor, but what do you do to make money.” Where does he think his tithe money goes? In fairness, it only seems like pastors work for 30 minutes each week.

“Please pray for my pet hamster, he died this week.”

A little kid said this to me so, yes, it’s cute. I didn’t know what to say. Is there hamster purgatory? Does this explain that strange Bible passage about the baptism of the dead? (1 Cor 15:29) You know what I did? I prayed for the hamster!

If you’re in ministry, what funny or crazy things have been said to you. Or, what have you said that you wish you could take back. Let me know in the comments section!